


Hang by a thread

by smallvictories



Series: bcs/brba prompt fills [3]
Category: Better Call Saul (TV), Breaking Bad
Genre: Dissociation, Established Relationship, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, based on brba s05e06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:41:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28195617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallvictories/pseuds/smallvictories
Summary: Prompt:"Just let me do this for you."He pointed out all the reasons why Mike should cut and run, and Mike staunchly refused to hear him out. They had a yelling match, but by the end, Mike was deadly quiet and left without a goodbye. This is the first he's seen or heard from him since then.
Relationships: Mike Ehrmantraut/Jimmy McGill | Saul Goodman
Series: bcs/brba prompt fills [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978066
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Hang by a thread

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the_parallax_of_rain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_parallax_of_rain/gifts).



> This is a secret santa gift for my lovely friend, Bess. I couldn't resist giving you a heaping serving of pain. Merry Christmas!

When Mike shows up at his office covered in dirt and grabs the bottle of scotch from his desk without a word, Saul can tell something is off.

"What, no hello or anything?" He quips, closing the file he was reading and warily eyeing the smears of dirt across Mike’s face.

Mike ignores him and heads to the couch. He reads Mike pretty well by now, but he’s never seen him look quite like this. Like he's seen a ghost. At least he didn't come during business hours and scare away the clients.

He gets up from his desk and joins Mike on the couch. He lifts Mike’s legs onto his lap and pulls off his shoes. Mike's eyes are closed, and his breaths are shallow and quick.

"You're messing up my couch." Saul teases, looking at the dusty marks on the leather.

Mike brings the bottle to his lips and tips it back without opening his eyes.

He hasn't seen much of him since Fring's murder. When Mike told him he was going to join Walt and Jesse, they had a huge argument, one for the record books. He pointed out all the reasons why Mike should cut and run, and Mike staunchly refused to hear him out. They had a yelling match, but by the end, Mike was deadly quiet and left without a goodbye. This is the first he's seen or heard from him since then. He's still pissed off, but he's missed him.

When Mike takes a second drink, this time a long gulp, he grabs the bottle from him. Mike growls angrily and opens his eyes. They're bloodshot. Was Mike crying before he got here?

"Give it back." Mike croaks. His voice sounds tired and overused, more so than usual. 

He stares at Mike and grabs the stopper from the coffee table. He pops it back into the bottle and replaces it in the drawer. When he returns to the couch, Mike has his arm slung over his face, ignoring him.

"You wanna tell me what this is about?" Saul asks softly. "I've barely heard from you for a week and a half."

Mike worries at his bottom lip. Saul cautiously reaches over and lays his hand over Mike’s belly. Mike grabs his hand and squeezes. Something awful must’ve happened.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Mike murmurs and sucks his teeth.

"So, you just came here to drink all my good scotch?" Saul scoffs.

"That's about it." Mike agrees and drops his arm from his eyes.

Saul looks at Mike and can tell he’s in pain. For all their disagreements, he still loves him.

"Either I come here and drink, or I do it alone until my liver finally gives up." Mike drones.

"Oh, I get it. You wanted a babysitter." Saul rolls his eyes and pulls his hand away.

Mike drops his eyes guiltily and for a moment, Saul's ashamed of himself. He promised Mike he'd be there for him, but he’s still bitter about him shutting down his idea. They could've run away together. They could be far, far away by now, clear of Walt and the shitstorm he's been raining down on them, but Mike won't hear of it. He still thinks he can make back the money he lost for Kaylee and all his guys. Why he thinks teaming up with the maniac and the Stockholm syndrome poster boy is the answer, Saul will never understand.

"I can't show up to Stacey's like this," Mike says bitterly, "and I don't have anyone else."

"If you want to stay with me tonight, you can at least tell me what this is about." Saul retorts.

Sure, it's risky, backing Mike into a corner like this, but after all the shit he puts him through, the least Mike can do is keep him in the loop.

Mike's eyes flash with anger and he sits up abruptly. It's kind of hard to take him seriously with his sock feet resting on his lap, but Mike solves that problem quickly by grabbing his collar and yanking him over. They’re so close now, he can count Mike’s eyelashes. He’s a bit frightened, but also becoming inconveniently turned on. They’ve fucked in this office more times than he can count, and half the time, it starts something like this.

"If I recall correctly," Mike says, his voice dangerously low, "you told me not to tell you about my business. You said you didn't want any part of it."

Saul's not sure where his boldness comes from. He’s probably tired of things going so wrong all the time. Before he can stop himself, he's escalating the situation.

"So, you came here to take it all out on me, huh?" Saul sneers, his face only inches from Mike's. "Wanna take a swing at me? Will that help?”

"I came here because I thought—" Mike's voice cracks and he growls angrily. "God damn you!"

He stands and hauls Saul up from the couch and presses him to the wall. Saul struggles against Mike’s grip before Mike stills him with a hand on his throat. Saul might consider being afraid, except for Mike's not squeezing at all, just pressing his thumb gently against his jugular, the same way he sometimes does when they make love. Mike leans into him and puts his mouth to Saul's ear.

"I put a kid in a barrel tonight." Mike's voice shakes. "His parents are never gonna know what happened to their boy."

Before Saul has a chance to process this, Mike collapses bonelessly against him and sobs into his shoulder. He scrambles for something to say, but he wasn't prepared to have Mike breaking down in his office tonight. He wraps his arms around Mike and cradles his head. Jesus, Mike killed a kid? No, there's got to be more to it, he would never do that. After a couple minutes, it's getting hard to keep Mike upright. He smells strongly of earth and sweat. First things first, get Mike home and get him cleaned up.

"Can I take you home?" Saul asks softly.

Mike chokes back tears and pulls away with a nod. It seems like he's struggling to catch his breath. He stumbles over to his shoes discarded on the floor beside the couch and tries to slip them back on. He loses his balance and catches himself on the arm of the couch.

"Sit down before you fall down." Saul gently guides him onto the couch and kneels in front of him.

Miraculously, Mike lets him slip his shoes on. He must really be out of it. Mike never lets him care for him like this. He sneaks a peek up at Mike's face, but he's staring vacantly across the room, like he doesn't notice him at all.

"When we were putting him in, I saw his face," Mike whispers, "and for a second he looked like…"

Saul doesn't ask Mike to elaborate. He knows he's thinking of Matty. His knees protest as he slowly gets up and offers Mike a hand.

"Let's get you home."

They leave the office. Only minutes have passed since his breakdown, and Mike has already returned to dead-eyed silence.

"Let's take my car." Saul says. "I'll get Huell to drive yours over in the morning."

They pass the drive in silence. The moon is full and brighter than he’s ever seen. He turns with a smile, about to point it out, but Mike is asleep. He looks peaceful. It’s a shame he’ll have to wake him up so soon.

They reach Mike's house and Saul pulls to the curb. He gets out of the car and closes the door behind him as softly as possible. He crosses past the hood and opens the passenger door.

"Hey, we're here." Saul gently rouses Mike with a hand on his shoulder.

Mike wakes up and gives Saul a smile, but it quickly slides from his face, replaced with stony indifference, like shutters over a sunlit window. Saul offers his hand, and Mike takes it, which is promising at least. This silent sadness is worrisome in its own way, but it's preferable to Mike's blistering anger.

Mike doesn’t seem to want to let go of his hand, so he just rolls with it and leads him inside. They kick off their shoes and hang up their jackets.

"How about a shower and then we get you to bed?"

Mike stares past him vacantly. Saul waves his hand in front of Mike’s face.

"Hm?" Mike grunts.

"Shower." Saul repeats gently.

Mike nods and stands there staring at him blankly. Saul grabs his hand again and leads him down the hall to the bathroom, flicking on the light and closing the door behind them.

Mike’s breath is hot against his neck as he unbuttons and peels off his shirt. He untucks Mike's undershirt and slips his hands underneath.

"Is this okay?" Saul whispers, sliding his fingers through the hair on Mike's belly.

“You can go. I'll be fine." Mike says with a pained sigh.

Saul slides his arms around Mike and pulls him closer, guiding his head into his shoulder. Mike leans into him and lets his arms hang at his sides.

"You've taken care of me plenty, can't I return the favour?" Saul runs his fingers up and down Mike's back. "Besides, I don't think you should be alone tonight."

Saul hugs him tighter and the strong scent of dirt fills his nostrils again. Mike must’ve helped bury the kid. He clears his throat with discomfort. He needs to know, was that all he did?

"Mike, just tell me. Did you kill the kid?" Saul rasps, praying for a 'no'.

Mike shoves him away, a reflex more than anything, and he stumbles back into the door.

"What kind of monster do you—" Mike is cut off by his own sob.

Mike backs up against the wall and slides to the floor beside the tub, his face in his hands. Saul’s heart aches. He's never seen Mike this upset.

He sits on the floor facing Mike and slides up between his legs.

"Hey, come on now." Saul tries to sound calm and reassuring. "I'm just trying to figure out what happened."

Mike chokes back a sob and coughs.

"I didn't kill him." Mike replies gruffly, hanging his head. "I just cleaned up."

Saul gently cups Mike's chin and tilts his face upward. Mike’s bottom lip trembles and he closes his eyes.

"I don't wanna talk about this anymore." Mike's voice sounds hollow and far away. "Just go."

"You'll have to toss me out, and I don't think you're up to it." Saul says with a sigh.

He stands and pulls Mike to his feet. He gently strips him down and then sheds his own clothing. He turns on the shower and checks the temperature before he guides Mike inside.

Mike stands with his eyes closed, breathing deeply as the water sprays over him. Saul grabs the body wash and squeezes a generous amount into his hands. He begins to scrub Mike down, the water running dark with the dirt and dust of the desert as it swirls down the drain. Saul isn't accustomed to Mike being so passive. He gently manipulates Mike's body and washes away all the evidence of his earlier activities.

It's cheesy, but Mike is his rock. A steady, dependable, watchful presence who makes him feel safe. He owes him so much.

Mike sags against the cold tile wall and closes his eyes.

"Hey, you still with us?" Saul chirps.

Mike cracks his eyes open and regards him tiredly but remains silent.

* * *

The bedroom is dark and still. Normally, they would talk before falling asleep. Or rather, Saul would do most of the talking and Mike would listen. Mike’s always been a good listener.

He shuffles closer and reaches out carefully in the darkness. He finds Mike’s shoulder and traces down his arm to hold his hand. Mike grips him tightly and exhales loudly. Saul thinks about the other times Mike's been stressed out and what he did to make it better. Maybe Mike's a little tired for that, but it's worth a try.

"Want me to take care of you?" Saul whispers. He reaches up and scratches Mike's chin the way he likes, the coarse hair of his goatee rasping over his fingernails.

Mike hums and juts his chin forward into Saul's fingers.

"Haven't you already?" Mike yawns.

"No, I mean _take care_ of you." He slides his hand over Mike’s chest. "Y'know, nature's sleeping pill."

He leans in and kisses Mike. Mike parts his lips and lets him slip his tongue inside. He tastes strongly of toothpaste. It feels good to kiss him. It feels normal. He cups the back of Mike’s head and deepens the kiss. He trails his hand down Mike's spine until he reaches his ass and squeezes. Mike moans into his mouth and pulls away.

"What's got you so worked up?" Mike slides his hand under Saul's shirt.

Saul thinks it's because Mike is so vulnerable. For once, Mike really _needs_ to be taken care of. How can he say that without sounding like a freak that gets off on misery?

"I just love you," Saul says weakly, “that’s all.”

"Uh huh." Mike replies, unconvinced. "Well, you've got my attention."

Saul presses a hand between his legs and tries to ease his excitement. He's grateful it's so dark.

"Any requests?"

"Whatever you want." Mike replies evenly.

"Your enthusiasm is overwhelming." Saul deadpans.

Mike chuckles, brief and soft, but it's like music to Saul's ears. He can't fix anything; things are too fucked up for that. If he can help Mike forget about it all for a little while, he'll have done his job. He reaches down between Mike's legs and cups him through his boxers. He fishes his cock out through the fly and enjoys how it hardens in his grasp. Mike grips his waist and makes a pleased sound.

He strokes Mike firmly and presses his lips to the soft skin of his neck. He squeezes Mike’s ass and pulls him forward into his strokes, picking up the pace as Mike’s cock fills out. Eventually, Mike grunts in discomfort. Saul pauses to retrieve lube from the nightstand drawer and slicks up Mike's erection. Mike whines softly and melts into his embrace.

"There you go." Saul pants, gently guiding Mike's face into the hollow of his collarbone. "Just let me do this for you."

Mike's breath comes in hot, rapid puffs against his skin as he continues to jerk him, picking up speed. They often turn on a bedside lamp when they make love at night so they can watch each other's faces, intense and flushed with pleasure. Still, there's something intimate about this blanket of darkness wrapped around them, like they're hiding away from the rest of the world.

Mike rolls his hips into Saul's fist, groaning and gasping. His heart pounds in his ears. He loves that he's the only one who gets to hear Mike unravel like this, and that he's the cause. Mike makes a pained sound, not unlike a sob, and Saul frowns.

"You good?" He whispers into Mike’s ear.

Mike nods and Saul feels the wet heat of tears rolling over his skin. He tries to pull away, but Mike wraps his arms around his neck and holds on tight.

"Close." Mike whimpers, barely loud enough to hear.

Saul cups his other hand over the head of Mike’s cock and picks up the pace slightly. Mike presses his mouth into Saul's shoulder and says something hushed and incomprehensible, then tenses up and spills over with a broken moan.

Mike slumps against him and he awkwardly reaches for the tissue on the nightstand, cleaning up his hands and Mike's softening dick, tucking him neatly back inside his boxer shorts. He reaches down between them and adjusts so his erection doesn't jab Mike's belly so much. Mike starts to palm him lazily.

"As much as I enjoy this," Saul whispers, "the point was for you to sleep."

Mike stops and kisses him gently over his collarbone.

"Love you." Mike mumbles groggily.

"I love you too."

Saul cradles Mike's face and kisses him sweetly, wiping the remaining tears from his cheeks with a few swipes of his thumbs. He holds Mike to his chest and rubs his back until his breaths even out and deepen.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading 🥰 Kudos and comments appreciated.
> 
> Check out [my profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmallVictories/profile).


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